Monday, July 11, 2011

The Hitcher (2007)

I haven't watched a slasher film in awhile, and O how I missed they. I cant say that this is the best slasher film I have ever seen, but it wasn't all that bad. Most slasher film's are not that good in the first place so as long as you include a coherent plot line, some cool gore, and at least one hot chick you got a watchable movie. The Hitcher is a remake, and I have never seen the original, so I cant compare or rate it in that way. The only other movie's that I can compare it to would be "Dual" or "Joy Ride". Compared to those two bad movies The Hitcher is outstanding, but compared to a good slasher movie it falls short. So basically it's an OK movie. Two collage kids are on a road trip to hit up spring break baby!!! Well on their way they almost hit some guy who's broke down on the highway. Instead of picking him up and saying sorry they high tail it out of there, leaving him wet and sad. When they make it to the gas station and are having a highly intelligent conversation with the hick clerk, the creepy guy they left wet shows up. Of course the dumb ass clerk goes "hey isn't this the guy you almost killed and left"? So then the college kid has to offer John (the creepy killer) a ride so that he doesn't seem like the biggest douche bag asshole ever. Well while they are on the road having a lovely time, John decides to go all I'm a big scary killer guy and pulls out a knife. He gives them I'm going to kill you line, and to save their ass's the two kids open the door and kick him out. Well now the Hitcher is all pissed off and that means let the cat mouse hunt begin. This movie does fulfill the big three you have to have in a slasher movie. The plot is a pretty well written cat mouse story, the chick who plays the main character Grace is hot, and there is at least one good gore scene. The scene I speak of is when the killer John finally gets Jim (the male college kid) and ties him up between a semi truck and trailer. He then gets into the truck and drives forward ripping Jim in half. Here let me draw you a picture to help you imagine it (See below). Sean Bean does a good job playing the killer, and he diffidently adds to the movie. Overall I would say that The Hitcher is a sold rent if you are a fan of horror movies. It keep my attention and did a nice job adding suspense to what could have been a bad boring movie.
Rating: 3 Yeti roars out of 5

Monday, July 4, 2011


Well I wanted to watch Hellraiser 3 Hell on Earth and the lady wanted to watch a Disney movie. The epic war was on, I struck first with reminding Natalie about the amazing scene in which Pinhead crucified himself. She immediately shot back with the do I look like I care evil eye. I'm sad to say the battle was short fought and soon we were watching Heavyweights. At least I had won the war, cause I don't mind this movie, and in fact it was a staple to my childhood. If you don't know Heavyweights came out in 1995 and is written by Judd Apatow, the man who is now know for his modern day work of 40-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked up. Heavyweights follows a young overweight Gerry who gets sent to Camp Hope for the summer. Camp Hope is for overweight kids, and promises fun, fun, fun, with go karts, swimming, and camp stuff. As soon as the kids get to camp you find out that the owners are bankrupt and had to sell the camp. The new owner is a quacked out ex personnel trainer played by Ben Stiller, who wants to show the kids the joy of weight loss. Tony (Ben Stiller's character) also has a plan to film the whole weight loss and turn it into a money making infomercial. The children hate Tony immediately and once he forces them on a 20 mile hike they have had enough and come up with a plot to take him hostage. They succeed and soon the camp is run by the children. Then when it's parents day, and when all the parents are visiting, the children show them what they have been doing and Tony gets kicked out. The camp is then run by Pat, the 18 year camp vet. Under Pat the children get ready to take on the rival camp MVP in the Apache relay. In true Disney fashion the overweight underdogs win the relay and enjoy the big happy ending. 
Rating: 3.5 Yeti roars out of 5

Dead Alive

"I kick ass in the name of the lord"!!! Thank you Peter Jackson for making this movie. Forget about Lord of the Rings or the horrible King Kong remake, this is the true cinematic genius of Peter Jackson. That's rite, give me zombies over middle earth any day. I shouldn't even have to tell anyone how amazing this movie is, all you have to do is see it and you to will be wanting to get rid of all your Lord of the Rings merch for a sweet Lionel action figure, equipped with lawn mower. Lionel is a quite man who has the unpleasant job of taking care of his over bearing mother. One day when Lionel goes to the store to pick up his weekly supplies he meets Paquite, who is told by her wacko grandmother that he is the one she is destined to marry and love. Like any other woman she nags at Lionel until he gives in and takes her on a date. They go to the zoo, and just when they are having a good time, and Lionel is about to get some sugar, his mother shows up and ruins everything. She gets bit by the mystical rat monkey from Skull island. Who knew that Peter Jackson would turn out to make two movies with skull island as a setting. So this rat monkey bites the mother, which slowly turns her into a zombie. Lionel being the good son try's to take care of his zombie mother, who soon infects others. It gets way out of hand and soon this quiet town in New Zealand is all zombiefied. Lionel then has to kick some ass and defeat all the zombies. In no way can you take this movie seriously, instead take it for what it is. A cheesy horror movie from 1991, that is supposed to take place in the 50's from New Zealand. That means it has bad clay animation and way over the top gore, that is super fake looking. But to me that just equals one hell of a zombie movie.
Rating: 4.5 Yeti roars out of 5

Year One

To say this movie falls short of what could have been, is an understatement. On the other hand to say this movie is a total shit fest is also an understatement. Year One is a biblical rich driven story line from the creative genius Harold Ramis. If you know anything about who Ramis is you would have high hopes for this movie. Ramis had a part in making some little movies entitled Ghostbusters, Caddyshack, Stripes, and Animal House. With that 80s army of comedy gold, one would think Year One would be just as whitey and clever. Its not, instead Year One takes a more "potty" humor approach. I personally have no problems with dirty humor and found that Year One did have some pretty good jokes and scenes, but they are few and a bit spaced out. The fact is this movie is no Animal House or Ghostbusters, but instead a comedy that is still worth giving shot. Zed played by Jack Black and Oh by Michael Cera play 20,000 year old cavemen. They both are screw ups and outcasts in their tribe, so much so that they cant even get the "hit a woman on the head with a big club and drag her back to your hut" part rite. I always thought this is common sense, you take a look at the woman and for every 10 pounds she is you use a 1/4 inch wide club. Every man knows this, if shes 150 lbs you use a 3 and 3/4 inch wide club, its easy. Anyway you can think of this movie as a fun abbreviated version of the book of Genesis in the bible. Zed eats from the tree of knowledge, which he isn't supposed to, and when the tribe finds out they kick him out and seeing that Oh is his friend, he decides to go with. As they walk thinking they will find the end of the earth they move onto the Cain striking down Able story. This movie is rich with cameo performances, which I think adds greatly to the movie. The best being Hank Azaria who plays Abraham. Hank pretty much steals the movie with his rendition of the obsessed with cutting every one's foreskin off Abraham. Zed and Oh soon become slaves, then guards, and then when they find out that the tribe they have come from are all now captured slaves they form a plan to save their two love interests. They travel to Sodom and have to defeat the High priest in order to save the ladies. They succeed, save the day and have a big happy ending. Now Jack Black seems to way over do the acting, and if you aren't a fan of his, then I'm sure this will just annoy you threw out the movie. In all I say give this movie a shot and see what you think.
Rating: 3 Yeti roars out of 5

Saturday, July 2, 2011

The Hammer

What a delightful little movie this is. I got this movie in the mail from Netflix the other day, forgetting that I had put it on my to rent list a long time ago. Now I cant remember why I had even put it on my to rent list in the first place, and to say that I didn't go "great another movie that looks like its going to suck" would be a lie. But like all movies I'm more than willing to give it its fair shot before I completely shoot it down. So it happened to be a lazy Saturday morning with the house to myself and nothing better do but sit there in my underwear when I decided I would prepar to go on another bad boxing movie adventure, but wait whats this..... this movie is actually pretty funny and whole hearted. Wow, who knew that The Hammer is a diamond in the rough. That's right my friends check out this movie, I think it will surprise you too. Adam Carolla plays Jerry, a just turned 40 carpenter who's promising boxing career was washed up years ago. His life pretty much sucks, cause he quit his job and lost his girlfriend all on his birthday. But soon Jerry meets a boxing coach who wants him to put the gloves back on and fight his way to the Olympics. You later find out that the coach actually just wants Jerry to spar and train with his true prospect Robert the other boxer trying to make it to the Olympics. Soon Jerry proves everyone wrong by overcoming his lazy underachiever ways and makes it to the final fight to see who the Americans will be sending to the Olympics. He even meets a nice girl and has a loyal friend to Cher him on along the way. I can honestly say I connected to this movie a bit and was excited to see Jerry succeed. Now I haven't seen a whole lot of boxing movies, but for the ones I have seen, I would say this one is the best. I would even dare to say it's better than Rocky. Only for the reason that I can understand every word Adam Carolla says, and he doesn't sound like he has a big old banana in his mouth like Stallone.
Rating: 4 Yeti roars out of 5

Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Army of Darkness

Hail to the king baby!!!! If you have never seen this movie, go rite now, go buy it, watch it, fall in love with it, and enjoy its greatness. This movie is one of my all time favorite movies. So much that if someone were to tell me they hate this movie I'm ready to fight. Everything about this movie is amazing!!! Bruce Campbell is my hero and does a fantastic job in this movie. If you don't know about this movie let me fill ya in, for you are truly deprived. Now you don't have to see Evil Dead one or two to get this movie but it does help. In those two movies Ash finds the book of the dead, which brings evil spirits to life and attacks him and his bud's. Now in the second Evil Dead the evil gets into his had and he chops it off with a chainsaw. That is why Ash doesn't have a rite hand. So anyway at the start of this movie the book of the dead sends Ash back in time to the middle ages. He is then made a slave, and sent to the pit to die. He of course kicks ass and shows those primitive animals what a real man looks like, with a little help from his boom stick, cause he shopped smart, he shopped S Mart. Now the mid evil peeps set him free and like him telling him about the book of the dead and where he can find it, so he can get back to his time. He goes on a little adventure to find it. There are some pretty sweet scenes before the gets to the book, and an evil Ash is even replicated, in which the good Ash kills and chops up. Once he gets to the book of the dead, he kind of doesn't say all of the syllables of the words he is supposed to say to get home. So instead the book brings the army of the dead back to life to take the castle. Ash then rounds up the troops at the castle to fight the dead army, which is lead by the reincarnated evil Ash. The real Ash beats down their miserable bag of bones and is then sent back to his time. This is supposed to be somewhat of a horror movie but overall its just an amazing comedy. I can't say enough good about this movie. It has everything anyone could ever want. It has a she bitch, a boom stick, the army of the dead, two Bruce Campbell's, a mister fancy pants, and an old Buick with a steam engine. See what's not to love!!!!
Rating: 5 Yeti roars out of 5

Monday, June 27, 2011

Bachelor Party

"Boy George is cancelling his concert because he has a yeast infection". Tom Hanks is amazing in any movie he is in, and this is no exception. This movie is everything you want and could ask for in a 80's comedy. It is funny, witty, and well written. Tom hanks plays Rick, a somewhat underachiever who drives school bus and is in love with Debbie. The movie starts out with Rick getting all of his buddies together and announces he is getting married to Debbie. All of his buddies then decide it's time for one more night of freedom with a bachelor party. After this scene Rick is hanging out with Debbie and her parents who are a very proper rich couple, pretty much the complete opposite of Rick, so of course you can guess that they don't very much like him. Instead they like Cole, the preppy ass who they want their daughter to marry. The rest of the movie is the bachelor party and Cole trying to ruin it and ruin Ricks chances with Debbie. The party gets all crazy with hookers, a band, and even a donkey. So without ruining all the jokes of the movie go watch it for yourself. This is definitely a watch, so go, what are you waiting for, go enjoy it.
Rating: 4 Yeti roars out of 5