Death Race 2

Well this is what you would expect.... a bad sequel. But wait change of pace America this is not what you think, instead it's a bad prequel. It was a surprise to me to see a prequel and in fact it made the movie a little bit better. If you never saw the first movie I would tell you to defiantly watch that movie first and just skip this movie. I actually enjoyed the remake of Death Race starting Jason Statham. Because of the first movie being a good watch is the only reason why I gave this movie a shot. Now the acting is bad and the race sequences in this movie don't live up the first. The only shining light of this movie is Danny Trejo, simply because he is amazing. I always love to watch Danny in his small roles and always thought he adds something to the movies he is in. The main character Carl "Luke" Lucas is a getaway man who goes along with a bank robbery job, gets caught and then gets sent to Terminal island. Now the movie takes place in the future and in the future all prison systems are privately owned, because of this Terminal island holds death fights for profit. At one point in the movie Carl gets into a car and drives around the island. Now he didn't steal the car or anything but instead the inmates are used as cheap labor to fix them up and sell them. As he is driving around the evil bad lady who runs the death fights sees him and decides that death fights are not getting enough audience hits and creates death race. The concept is if the prisoner wins 5 races they will be set free but there is always the chance they can die. Carl wins 2 races and on the third he gets caught in a car fire, survives and is then forced to become a new driver called Frankenstein. At this point the movie ends and leads into the first movie. If you enjoyed the first movie I would say give this one a shot, otherwise just pass on it. 

Rating: 2 Yeti roars out of 5 

The Green Lantern

As far as green superheros go, the Green Hornet is way cooler, but I do have to say that the Green Lantern is pretty cool too. Now I know nothing about the Green Lantern comics, so with that I really had no reference in which to judge this movie. So instead I just sat back and allowed myself not to think, not to  have high hopes, and just be entertained. By the end of the movie I would have to say that I was definitely entertained and not disappointed. I enjoyed watching the special effects and the neat fighter jet scene. I do find Ryan Reynolds to be more of a 'funny man' kind of actor, but thought he did a fairly good job as the Green Lantern. I also enjoyed the plot concept of willpower vs. fear. I think it has real world applications and I'm sure everyone can relate to an experience when they had to use willpower to overcome a fear. So in that sense everyone is as cool as the Green Lantern. Especially the 40 some year old guy who sat in front of me at the theater wearing his Green Lantern t-shirt and replica ring, but he was there with a lady so I guess that means miracles do happen right. Now to explain the plot I'm going to use very general concepts cause all of the names in this movie are very "alieny" and I can't remember any of them. OK here we go, Hal Jordan is a great fighter pilot who only thinks of himself and blew it with his love along time ago. She is also the daughter of the man who Hal flys plains for, so they still get to see each other. The primary villan is a giant head thing, which gets its power from fear. He escapes his imprisonment, then starts destroying planets and kills one of the Green Lanterns, who lands on earth before dying. The ring then chooses Hal who becomes the new Green Lantern. He is flown up to the planet where all the lanterns are, and taught how to use his powers and there he is told he will never live up to his predecessor. Back on earth, an animal biologist completes an autopsy on the dead alien, and becomes infected from remnants of the flying head in the dead Lantern's body and turns into an evil big head guy himself. This new sidekick of the flying heas is also in love with the same lady as Hal which makes for so a small fight at the end of the movie for her. Hal defeats the big head guy and then has to defeat the giant floating head fear guy. There is also the story line of Hal wanting to quit being a Green Lantern but he can't, finding himself and overcoming, and the whole love story thing. Now I can't say that I would go out and buy this movie but it's still a definite rent for ya. So put on your green tights get out your sweet replica ring and let your green light shine on.

Rating: 3 Yeti Roars out of 5

The Evil Dead

I have to say that I am conflicted about this movie. You see overall this isn't that great of a movie, but Bruce Campbell has a very special place in my heart and I love any movie he is in, cause it's Bruce "F'ing" Campbell. Plus one of my all time favorite movies is Army of Darkness, and if you don't know Army of Darkness is the third movie in the evil dead series. There is an evil dead one and two, and then they used the same character Ash and made the epic Army of Darkness movie, which isn't anything like the Evil Dead serious. Now you do have to keep in mind this movie was made in 1982 and for its time I would imagine its pretty good. The story its self is simple, a group of friends go to a creepy cabin in the woods. They find this book called the necronomicon or the book of the dead, which is bound in human flesh. After listing to a tape from the man who had found it first and since died, all the evil spirits are released onto Ash(Bruce's character) and his friends. The first to go is one of the girls who goes out into the woods and is implanted with the evil by the evil trees, scary rite. She turns into this crazy witch zombie person and goes back to attack the cabin. Slowly they are all turned into zombies except Ash who kicks ass and saves the day. The bad make up and clay animation just make this movie something to laugh at. The lacking plot and very stale acting bring the movie down, but who cares it Bruce Campbell and he is the man. So put it in, and watch Bruce kick some book of the dead ass!!!!
Rating: 3 Yeti roars out of 5

Porky's

I had watched this movie about ten years ago when I was a younger lad and even then I hated this movie. Well, I got Porky's in a movie three pack, and I have to tell you I still hate this movie. I don't know why anyone would like this movie, but I do know a lot of people seem to like it, so I guess go ahead and check it out for yourself. Yes it does have the famous 'Peeping Tom' shower scene, but if you ask me it's not that great. First off all the girls in the movie are not hot or even somewhat good looking, and most of the scene all you see is the fat girl's ass. And if I wanted to see a fat ass I would just look at my own in a mirror, so move your ass and I guess let's look at the bad looking naked girls. Now seeing that this movie is a raunchy comedy it does have some funny scenes, but as they are few and are only a cheap laugh, who really cares, not me that's who. If you really want to know the premise some kids want to get laid, they go to Porky's redneck strip joint (with even uglier looking women, who look like if you were to even touch them you would have to see the doctor the next day for some cream and ointment, cause you def. just got the clap), and end up getting ripped off and kicked out. Then when they go back to get even they get their asses kicked, when finally at the end of the movie they get even. So if you like simple sex jokes, bad bad looking women, and fat rednecks then this movie is for you, but if you like to actually watch a good movie stay far far away.
Rating: 1 Yeti roars out of 5

The Rite

What we have here is another movie about exorcism that is supposedly based on a true story. Now why is it that everytime you watch a movie about exorcism it is based on a true story. Yea I guess it adds to the creepy aspect of the movie, but come on is anyone buying it? I have a hard time believing it, the only way I would believe you that there is a full fledged demon inside of you is if you just ate at Taco Bell, cause let’s be honest after you eat that future toilet explosion it takes over your body like something fierce. Now that little rant brings us full circle to the story of this movie. You see it starts out with Michael, who grew up the son of a mortician. The point is made that everyone in Michael's family grows up to be a mortician or priest, so he sets off to study the art of religion and become a priest. It shoots four years ahead when he has finished his studies and is ready to take his final vows, but he renounces his beliefs and is looking to drop out. The head priest talks to him and convinces him to go to Rome and take an exorcism class. Now did you know that you take a class to become an exorcist, well according to this move it is more than just splashing some holy water and book reading. You have to find out the demon's name, know who really is possessed and who isn't, and some other stuff that's not important. I think that if you turn all crazy, have you head turn fully around and talk in a crazy demon voice you’re probably possessed, or you just watched a Tom Cruise movie and went completely stupid from how bad his movies are. Well anyway Michael goes to Rome and meets Father Lucas played by the one and only Anthony Hopkins, who takes him along with him on his adventures of fighting demons and such. Father Lucas shows Michael the way, who is still all unsure of this religion demon thing, by casting out some demons and showing Michael acts of god. Now I did find this movie to be thought provoking, I myself am very unsure of the whole exorcism belief but it is something to think about. Throughout the movie the two try to help this nice young Roman lady, who even brings them bread the first time you see her in the movie. Which is nice, kind of funny if you think about it, "so yea, I have this demon inside of me, he helped my make this bread for you Father, so enjoy it when your eating your sandwich. Now splash some holy water on me and let’s do this!!!". At least that's what came to my mind when I saw the whole 'thanks for exorcism, here is some bread' scene. Anyway the movie goes on with the 'I believe, I don't believe' story line until Father Lucas himself gets possessed by a demon. Now the rest of the movie Father Lucas is possessed and only has underwear and a robe on like he just doesn't want to get up and face the day. He must be possessed by an 'I hate Mondays' lazy demon. Now it's up to Michael to save him and fight the demon. Overall this movie is good, a definite rent, and one of the better modern day horror suspense movies I have seen. So get out your holy water and crucifix and enjoy watching Anthony Hopkins bitch slap a little girl in his underwear (mind you he was possessed by a demon when he did it so don't hate Anthony for it, hate that bastard demon).

Rating: 31/2 Yeti roars out of 5

The Goods: Live Hard Sell Hard

If I were to start out and tell you all about the plot of this movie, I'm sure you would just read it, think about it for a whole two seconds and then realise how it really doesn't sound like a good movie what so ever. So before you judge the plot of the movie, I should tell you that this movie is actually a pretty good comedy. It makes you laugh and some time's you even laugh out load. Now this is the second time I watched this movie and after finishing it I remember it being better. So with that I would recommend watching this movie once and then move on. Now the plot of this movie is simple, a used car dealership is hurting for business and they call in Don Ready (played by Jeremy Piven) the smoothest talking sales man and his team. They come in sell all the cars on the lot in one big weekend sale and save the dealership. See told you, sounds stupid, but give it a try, the jokes are pretty good and the sweet boy band Big Up's in it, is O so sweet. Hey they even opened for O Town. You see the competitor is trying to buy out the lot Don Ready is trying to save, so that his boy can practice with his "Man" band.  So without giving away all of the jokes go check it out and enjoy.

Rating: 3 Yeti roars out of 5

127 Hours

If this movie wasn't based off one man's remarkable story, it would be pretty boring. Some guy gets trapped by a boulder and waits 127 hours before he decides he better cut off the old arm to live. But because it is based off of one guy's actual life story, it is really quite amazing to think about. What if you got your arm stuck with no way of getting it out, in some remote cavern, and no one is around to help you. Would you be able to survive for so long and then finally decide it's time to lose the old arm, and it's his right arm too. Now I'm right handed and I suck at life when I try to use my left hand, and I would loose my sweet tattoo on my right arm in the process too, which would suck ass. In the movie when Aron finally decides to break his arm and then cut it off using a dull multi-tool knife, it really is the coolest scene of the movie. The movie its self is slow. Aron (played by James Franco, who does do a good job) is just a guy who loves to do the whole hikin' and bikin' thing, and tells no one about where he is going or what he is doing. He goes out to hike around, meets up with some nice ladies, show them around and then sets out on his own. He steps on a boulder, it slips, he falls, and it crushes his arm. Now you watch for the next hour as he freaks out, day dreams, and realises how much of an ass he has been. It's somewhat interesting but slow, if you're like me just waiting to see how he cuts off the arm. Once he does he gets out and meets up with some nearby hikers, who call the authorities and get him a helicopter out of there. The movie makes you think at the end when it shows the real Aron with his wife and son. It shows how he still is an avid mountain climber and lives life to the fullest. It truly is a remarkable story and the movie is well done. The only question remaining is if the real Aron ever went back to collect his arm or not, I know I would want to.
Rating: 2 Yeti roars out of 5